Kennedy Quotes

I can't take credit for these quotes... they were all compiled during the 1997-1998 school year by the always rockin’ Josh Lange. Again, I would like to point out that these quotes are taken totally out of context, and only posted here because they are humorous. They are not to be taken as an actual representation of his opinions.

“The Indians were always laughing at the settlers, who were running around mining for gold and falling off cliffs.”

“It seems to me that you guys do better when the test is a take-home or open-book one....”

“You know, the stereotypical grandma with the shotgun....”

“The best place to observe Native American activity is in prisons.”

“Well, it’ll all start coming together when we start testing and bringing it together.”

“There was the most irrelevant question on the [AP] test; it was about women.”

“If you have someone who writes, but can’t write, you’ve got a problem.”

“The tariff issue, the issue with the tariffs, that was the issue.”

“I don’t expect much from you guys.”

“Ever since Collins messed with that [computer], it says something like ‘Cowabunga dude!’ whenever I print.”

“If you need something, and it’s not there, you’ve got a problem.”

“Ethically, these headless people are a problem.”

“Hong Kong’s in trouble; I don’t trust the Chinese.”

“Back then every gun was unique [pronounced YOO-ni-kay], or unique [pronounced normally] if you will.”

“I can’t wait for you to leave.”

“Don’t think of [rewriting your documentaries over again] as punishment—it’s just; good Lord, you’ve got to do better!”

“He’s a very uncommon common man.”

“Those are the jobs that pay well: selling drugs....”

“We kind of make him out to be this guy....”

“The leader of China likes Mark Twain; how un-Chinese.”

“Jackson viewed womanhood as a kind of chivalry with a kind of chivalry about it.”

[Concerning the new phones at TJ:] “If you have a new product, keep it simple, stupid.”

“That stock went down $45 a share. Maybe those people who invested in that should jump out a window or two.”

“It’s been proven statistically: you guys are stupid.”

“I don’t know where you guys got the idea that learning is fun.”

“You know the guys that make silverware? Well, they used to make love....”

“He was an [makes gesture of holding a box] architect...”

“If you guys are going to cheat, at least be sneaky about it.”

“What a name for a food store: Ralph’s. Think about it. Isn’t it my understanding that when you throw up, you ‘ralph’? And they’re naming a store after it?”

“When you miss a day, that’s 80 minutes, and if you times that by 10, that’s a lot more.”

[Concerning the frequent assemblies TJ has:] “They should call it ‘Thomas Jefferson: School of Interruptions.’”

“The crazy thing is: I don’t even know what I’m teaching!”

“You go out and kill Indians! We want some dead Indians!”

“That’s what we need: more kids fighting.”

Student: “But what if I don’t have the money for the AP test?”
Kennedy: “Then you’ll have to do a little pickpocketing tonight.”

“He did a good job of killing himself.”

“For those of you who don’t think education is important....”

“It’s what I call touchy-feely history.”

“That reminds me of a funny story: my aunt died....”

Student: “How do you know all this, Mr. Kennedy? Do you work for the CIA?”
Kennedy: “Well....”

“You could say that he died at the wrong time....”

“For those of you who didn’t know, Tokyo was a city at that time.”

“Be careful when you say ‘sectionalism.’ It’s not S-E-X.”

“Junior class officers: please don’t wash your hands.”

“Watch out for those lightning bolts.”

“Thank you for sharing, now keep quiet.”

“That guy [Eric Foner] is awesome.”

“Once you got blacklisted, you were in trouble.”

“There’s no excuse for this, unless you have an excuse.”

“Since Ryan’s not here I can say this: it’s all going to be voice recognition soon.”

“Now I don’t mean to be sexist, but when women got the right to vote, we elected the worst president ever.”

Kennedy: “How are you doing, Brian?”
Brian: “Good.”
Kennedy: “Shut up.”

“It’s unacceptable to be one-dimensional.”

“[Bill Gates] is trying to un-nerd himself.”

“We’re in a redneck school district.”

“...and you had the KKK running around killing people....”

“Let’s be realistic about this: black people are black.”

“If Lincoln were to be assassinated, it sure was at a good time.”

“Yeah, yeah, naked people...”

“And then you say: ‘but it [The Election of 1876] was crooked!’ Yeah, it was crooked, so what?”

“You’re looking for somebody else, but you found somebody else.”

“Just because you’re being devious, that doesn’t automatically mean that good things will happen.”

“That lettuce has real meaning to me....”

“They tend to use the words ‘tenant farming’ instead of ‘tenant farming.’”

“People want sexy money.”

“Close, but no cigar; although we shouldn’t be encouraging smoking in here.”

“Those icicle lights: if you want your house to burn down, buy some.”

“I didn’t have a social life. I didn’t want to have a social life.”

“In high school, girls are a waste of time.”

“And they were hiring the Chinese, who were working on railroads and falling off cliffs...”

“If it doesn’t work, just blow it up.”

“You only have two sets of eyes; I have four.”

“Some people like to make money; yes, there are people like that.”

“Sorry, bird people....”

“We’re going to clone everybody; everybody is going to be cloned. That’s what parents want.”

“That’s the problem with this law that they passed: they don’t know what they passed.”

“Somebody’s got to be watching Burger King.”

“If you know anything, he was the drug czar of this country.”

“They got rid of him because he was too responsible.”

“I’m not sure what advisory’s for; when you find out, you tell me.”

“You need to look at those porno pictures... for all you ‘preverts’ [not perverts, mind you] in here, you’ll like those.”

“You guys have friends in high places. These books don’t.”

“There are jobs that are supposed to be ‘women-type’ jobs.”

“There are some kids who will do well on this test, in spite of me.”

“I just have a problem with watching people bashing each other on the head.”

“Oh yeah, I know Corona...”

“Don’t brush your teeth in Vietnam; they’ll smell you a mile away!”

“We have to be sure to correct these accurately, so correct these accurately.”

“There are people who do a lousy job of handling money; part of it is luck.”

“I don’t know what goes on in English anymore.”

“I don’t know what goes on in History anymore.”

“You don’t want to be a bonehead running around with a slide rule.”

“Transportation isn’t sexy, is it?”

“By the way, fat was in.”

“If you went to a doctor, you expected to die.”

“The world is dynamic, it’s not like Federal Way.”

“You’re in big trouble; you can’t get out of your teepee!”

“They didn’t have helicopters in 1813.”

“I don’t think I’m here tomorrow.”

“It’s the economy, stupid.”

“We have Joe Schmoe here; no, wait, let’s call him Mohammed. Everyone over there is called Mohammed.”

“And the government says: you go out and build some missile silos we don’t need!”

“We need those bombers because those dirty Russians are running around planning to blow us to smithereens.”

Kennedy: “I feel good today.”
Brian: “Drugs?”
Kennedy: “Yes!”

“I only know what I’m telling you.”

“He was just as funny as a crutch.”

“I realize that when the flakes fall, you get a little flakey.”

“Think history! Think HISTORY!! THINK HISTORY!!!”

“Alex, avoid words.”

“We’re going to have Deja Vu here... that’s my dirty mind.”

“We’ve got a little nerd running around—excuse me, I shouldn’t say nerd—computer nerd.”

“I would go after a Senator or Congressman who accused me. That’s the kind of guy I am.”

“I don’t mean to be funny.”

“There was this story of George Washington that said he jumped out a neighbor’s window, ran home, got pneumonia, and died.”

“How about you, Ms. Eberly? I missed your negative comment today.”

“There are a lot of buildings that you can find and build.”

“When you look at a good-looking woman, don’t you say: isn’t that awesome?”

“He was the best speaking president he ever saw.”

“What we’re going to do tomorrow is start a war; and it’s called World War I.”

“I don’t care; sex is sex!”

“Let’s go to the mall and do a little shoplifting.”

“Gas is very democratic.”

“When you’ve got all these little schools running around, it gets expensive.”

“Back then they just had sticks, and they’d do bayonet practice with their sticks.”

“There’s this magazine we get about duct tape. You can use duct tape for anything.”

“War can be very boring; you just sit around a lot.”

“There’s a theory here, so I’m going to be racist. I’m serious.”

“The Russians weren’t there because they were too busy killing each other.”

“Some people jumped out windows and killed themselves over this.”

“[TJ’s basketball games] are different. We’re not filling in the bleachers anymore; kids are doing other things, and we’re not winning.”

“I used to like my son [pause] watching the news.”

“I’ve said this all along: how many Indian casinos do we need?”

“Whoa, where am I? I had a doughnut today.”

“As far as I’m concerned, you can just take a chainsaw and cut its [Iran’s] border, and drill a hole in it and let it sink.”

“I went to Dunkin Donuts today, I confess.”

“If it [a nuclear missile] doesn’t say ‘Russia,’ it’s not as good.”

“That’s the wonderful thing about electricity: it works when you plug it in.”

“You want Coke? I give you Coke; 60 dolla!”

“Brian, what are you doing here? It’s Monday!”

“I don’t want my brain surgeon to do community service, I want him to practice on brains!”

“You can see there’s a lot of Freudian stuff here—a lot of sex.”

“It’s a braindead, isn’t it?”

“He [Warren G. Harding] had a good supporting cast so he could sleep a lot.”

“If he were a girl, he’d be perpetually pregnant.”

“Some people say he ate a sandwich in Seattle, but by the time he got to San Francisco, he was pretty dead.”

“If there’s trouble in a country, and Chiquita banana’s there, who’s Chiquita banana?”

“This over-prostitution has to stop.”

“Most people think that in New York, you get killed every time you turn around.”

“I don’t know about you, but I eat everyday and I hope you do too.”

“I know for a lot of you, you’re like: oooh, it’s big money! Well, it’s really not.”

“I act like a [makes circular motion with his hands] but I’m not.”

“We’re in a Depression! Are we going to worry about a funny little man with a mustache running around in Germany, saluting funny?”

“If you ever look at Hitler and Chaplin, they’re kinda similar.”

“The trouble with that is: the quality has gone down and the price has gone up. Other than that, it’s just fine.”

“I love to watch the Korean station but they don’t... I don’t know what to say.”

“They’re loyal to their government; they’re not Americans.”

“Yeah, me and a friend of mine were shot at once—we deserved it, though.”

[After receiving a copy of this list:] “Maybe I should give that boy [Josh Lange] a D.”

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